i wish things didnt suck so bad

we are going to new york next week for my birthday! We are seeing rent on broadway and im so freaking excited. We get to be far far away from all the bullshit indiana has to offer as of late.

much needed vaca

mood: crazy

im still alive and kicking for all those who care :)

What is meant by the word friendship? I thought it meant to have a close, trusting, reliable, non-backstabbing relationship with someone that you could tell anything to and not worry about anyone finding out. I was wrong. Do to current events, I, Alycia, have lost five of my closest friends. Let me give you the run down....

I was lonely, real lonely. I had been here for a few months, no girl, no friends around to entertain me. i worked too much to go meet anyone new. so, i told erica to come live with me for a while. three days before she was supposed to move here, i met Jenn. I told erica that i met someone, and i didnt think it was a good idea for her to come anymore. she came anyway. she told me was just going to stay for a week. well she brought EVERYTHING that she owned with her. tried to move her way back into my life. kicking and screaming the entire way. i told her no. go away. i told you i didnt want you here, but you didnt listen and now look where we are. Jenn and I started getting closer. Within a week of knowing her i felt closer to her then i did anyone else here. It was time for erica to leave, but she didnt want to. So my friend MC told her she could move in with her. I was furious. Then Shawn and Jess and Nic all took her in and completely turned their backs on me. Telling me that im nothing more than a heartless bitch and i need to start treating people better.

Well now, i talk to none of them. Except the occasional text messages i get telling me how much i suck at life. This has been going on for a month now. But now, i love Jenn <3 i couldnt be any happier. I seriously think she is the one. Sometimes it takes so much hurt to find just a little bit of happiness. im so glad i found it. i was three steps away from moving far far away and telling none of them where i was. But then she came along, and life is calmer now. When im with her i forget about all the other shit that is going on in my life. I forget that one of my closest friends is now fucking erica. I forget that all of my friends, that i have known for almost ten years, kicked me out of their lives for someone they knew for one week. Yes, life is still dramatic. I feel like drama follows me everywhere i go. I love her, and thats all that matters now :)

mood: calm

im here.... i have been here for over two months now. im not real excited or am i thrilled about the fact that i moved back here. someone make me want to stay here or im leaving. not kidding

i am so tired of lesbian drama i cant even stand it anymore. i get dragged into the stupidest shit ever just bc i am friends with someone. im not the one that told you to go fuck some boy so why in the hell are you yelling at me for telling your gf? she is one of my best friends so get over yourself. until lesbians can start being faithful to ONE person, im dating boys.

THE END

mood: cranky

One of the older men that lives where i work just came up to me and said,

" Bless your heart. I am so glad that you work here with us. Its not very often we get younger people in here that actually care about us and go out of their way to make sure we are happy."

Monday i plan on telling them that im leaving, and its going to be hard. I have officially been here a year now.




I feel like shit

mood: crushed

im moving back to indiana in march

it was a long weekend of spending time with the girls family from out of town. this is going to make for a long ass work week.

mood: blah

we went to the lake in farragut yesterday. it was so hot so i pretty much got in the water. it felt pretty amazing. we had fun :)

Shawn and Jessi are coming this weekend :)

i wish i got paid 3x as much as i did for what i do. then everything would be ok.


stressing about money is the worst. if i say anything to my mom about it she tells me that it was my decision to move away and that i know im always welcome back if i need to save money for a while. i think i would spend more money on therapy if i moved back home and then i would be in the same bind.

AHHH

i need a new job and a new place to relocate. any suggestions??

not real sure why i even have this thing anymore. i never write in it, and when i do the only person that comments is sarah. so yea.. im just complaining b/c i can.

ive come to the conclusion that i really only trust like 3 people. after the past couple weeks of my friends stabbing me in the back repeatedly, my trust level has gotten even lower than before. i didnt think that was possible. i seriously think that i could only trust a couple people with certain things. this disturbs me. why are people so condescending? why do people feel the need to talk for no reason?

I need my friends to come here and take me out for a night on the town. i think that a night of dancing and laughing would make life better. i miss shawn like whoa. i never really realized how much time i spent with her until shes not around and everyone else is busy. you cant just be around anyone and feel content without doing anything.

I cant wait to graduate. even tho i am staying here, there will be no more bible college imprisonment camp.

mood: annoyed music: hellogoodbye

somedays i think i might have a slight retardation. i do the DUMBEST things EVER...

mood: awake music: happy feet soundtrack

so i am quite possible the worst procrastinator in the entire world. i wait until the very last minute i can to cram for a final i should have spent at least 2-3 days studying for. last night after work me and erica wasted 3 hours in the mall and target b/c we didnt want to get back here and study . while procrastinating i did find some pretty amazing shoes tho...





i need to go study... and make alycia a blonde :)

why nicole.... out of everyone in the entire world.... nicole?

i got a speeding ticket today...... AND my insurance card was expired AND i didnt have my seatbelt on. The cop was a smiling asshole.



i hate my life

everything is changing here at school, and its not for the better. My friends here are acting very strange around me, and only the ones who barely know me are acting like nothing is wrong. my best friends are coming up with the most random issues that they have with me, and people are making things up. i have no idea what i did wrong. i went away for the weekend to hang out with the people i miss more than anything, and when i came back "the shit had hit the fan". Im not sure whats going on, but i can see it getting much worse before it gets better.

i cant wait to graduate and move away. i am so excited about paying all of my own bills and getting a dog. i am freaking out about beauty school. CANNOT wait to finally go through with it. i am nervous and just ecstatic at the same time. i hope everything works out, b/c if it doesnt i will be very sad. the last thing i want is to move back to anderson and fall in the rut of feeling like there is nothing out there better for me. i dont believe that anymore. i have seen so many things since i have lived in knoxville, and i refuse to go back in my maturity. i refuse to lose my dreams just because i am scared to hurt peoples feelings. you have hurt mine for my entire life, its my turn to be happy now. i went to bible college for you, so leave me alone now.

thank you

mood: curious music: christmas tunes on Delilah